Fuck up.

I fucked everything up. I fucked every single fucking things up. How? Quarrelled with my mum cause she keep doubting me. She fucking thought I'd become rebellious like my sis. Hey, thanks for not trusting me. I'm your daughter, and yet you seemed like you fucking hate me. Thanks.

I really dote on my sisters a lot. My close friends would clearly know this fact bout me. I'd rather be broke with no money left to make my sisters happy by buying them stuffs which would make them happy. I'd rather be super tired cause I want to make them happy by bringing them out, when in fact I'm fucking tired after work or anything. I'd buy them food or stuffs to make them happy and etc. But thanks to my mum who fucking doubt me, she told stories to my sisters bout me becoming like my sister etc etc. Seriously? Which mother would fucking do this to ruin the relationship between her daughters?

And y'know what happened between me and my mum? We had a fucking miscommunication and I really talked to her nicely. I texted her nicely, explaining stuffs to her, end up? She don't even fucking care. I know, all that she care bout is her boyfriend and her two other daughters now. I'm fucking nothing.

Pardon my language because fuck is the only word I can use to express how fucking sad I am.

Yes I live with my grandmother and my uncle. And b/c my mum told stories bout me becoming more and more rebellious etc, both of them starting nagging/ scolding/ doubting me. And now, nobody in this house ever fucking care bout me anymore.

Now I understand the pain of my elder sister. The pain you get when nobody in this family fucking cares bout you. This explains why she keeps going out.

Home? I don't know the definition of it now. Right now I can only lock myself up in my room and fucking cry for all I want or go out to act up like I'm fucking happy with my friends. What to do? I don't even know what to do to make myself feel better or things to get better.

I fucking hate everything and right now I'm only wishing either 1. my life gets better 2. die right now

option 1 seems fucking impossible so i'd probably choose 2

24 December 2011 @ 6:17 am / 0 daisies

Keliciatay

Fuck up.