Replaced.

It sucks to know that you've been replaced just because you're busy working and you've realised that actually all your friends have already found a new friend to replace you.
It sucks to know that when you ask your friends out, they reject you "kindly" by telling you that they have to go out with their new friend.
It sucks to know that you've been replaced when you know your friend's life is all bout that new friend, and you're nowhere to be found in her life.

It really sucks to know all these, really. But actually, even if I'm not busy working, I would still be replaced. Well who am I? Kind of just a nobody. I don't have friends calling me to ask how I am, I don't have friends coming up to my house just because I'm sad. How lucky can some people be?

I don't think I've ever failed as a friend. When a particular friend is sad and cried her heart out, I'm willing to travel all the way to her house just to cheer her up. When a particular friend is sad or troubled, I'm willing to listen to her phone calls and talk to her/ lend a listening ear. When a particular friend is worried over her friendship with another person, I'm willing to help her or whatsoever to solve her problem.

I'm willing to do a lot of things for my friends because the truth is, I've always had family problems. When I'm home, there's nobody to talk to. I don't talk to my younger siblings, because in fact they wouldn't even understand what I'm going through. I don't talk to my elder sister because she's away from home most of the time and she's only busy with her social life. Who would even give a damn bout me? I don't talk to my mum because she's always busy working, or going out with my younger siblings. Moreover, tell me who will even give a damn bout what I'm going through?

I miss having a maid at home because trust me, my maid is the only person I can talk to. I remembered having 2 or 3 maids before, and they're really very close to me. I'd listen to her stories bout her background and her family, and whenever I'm home, I'd help her with the cooking and talk to her about my problems. I sound real pathetic because I've got nobody to turn to when in need, but what can I do?

I cherish my friends more than anything. To me, their problems is my problems. If they are upset, I'd be upset. I try my very best to maintain my friendship with them but it really really sucks to know that they don't even care. So I guess afterall I'm only an option to everyone. I don't know what I can do to make myself feel better, but just to hide my unhappiness away because I know even if I cry my heart out, nobody would give a damn bout me. I wouldn't have friends coming to my house to cheer me up and etc because nobody really gives a fuck.

So I guess, this marks to an end to my secondary life. People always say the 4 years in your secondary life is the most memorable one. I say, it's the most unmemorable one. People come and go in my life, they left footsteps in my heart and yet I use my tears to wash them away because nobody is actually reliable or trustworthy.

I doubt I'll even keep in contact with my secondary school friends. It's not that I don't care. It's because I've cared too much, and ended up getting myself hurt over and over again. I understand, I'm actually nothing. But how pathetic can I get? So I guess, to my friends who're reading this, good luck to all of you. :)

2 December 2011 @ 9:15 pm / 0 daisies

Keliciatay

Replaced.